Voicemail for Aziraphale

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Fuck.

Get over here now.

I know you are just waiting for an excuse to close up shop.

This is urgent.

I think it's starting again.

Get.Back.Now

Comments

[mr-a-fell.livejournal.com]

What in the blazes are you talking about, Crowley? What's happening again? Have you lost the keys to that wretched vehicle of yours?

...Have you set the flat on fire?

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[sound of a hiss of annoyance, and something that sounds like crying in the background]

The.Kid.

Aziraphale.

Get.Back.Here.Now.

Fuck, No one told me about this.

Why is the kid here

Did you know about this? Have you been holding back on me?

I am not looking forward to this Armageddon shit again.

[mr-a-fell.livejournal.com]

Wait.

WAIT.

You... Surely you don't mean.. Not that child!

_{oh bother, oh bother, oh bother, oh bother, oh bother!}

How did this happen?! How did this happen and I NOT KNOW ABOUT IT?! I thought we agreed we would be working together!

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Don't blame ME for this, angel. I didn't know either.

Damn it, make it shut up, it keeps crying.

Fuck. Aziraphale.

...

What do we do this time

I'm not sure even that Nutter Witch can get us out of this one

[mr-a-fell.livejournal.com]

Okay, okay. Just... don't panic. We've done this before. I'm certain that... we can take care of this again. Just don't. panic. I'll be home shortly with some diapers and formula.

Isn't there someone you can contact about this?!

[apple_inc]

Oh yesssss

Excuse me, lord Beelzebub, you wouldn't have happened to have misplaced the antichrist would you? Oh you have? no no I haven't seen it, of course not

Whatever do you mean?

I'm sure he wouldn't at all have a problem trusting me with this again. After I did such a FANTASTIC job of it the first time

[mr-a-fell.livejournal.com]

I love that you are as insufferable as you are lazy. But worry not, I am on my way and we will think of a proper solution to all of this mess that I'm sure you invited with no minor trespass has landed on our doorstep.

[apple_inc]

Oh yess, I am Sssssssso relieved. Aziraphale to the rescue, we're all saved.

By the way, I know you have a hard time with that so I'll just go ahead and pointout that that was sarcasm.

I have a good solution. Lets toss it in a river and see if it can swim. I'm fucking doubly damned. Is that even possible? Is there a way we can kill it without killing it? Because THAT would be helpful.

How about you wish him away, and then we can just pretend this never fucking happened. Send him to Australia. No one cares about Australia anyway. We can just make the whole fucking continent disappear.

[mr-a-fell.livejournal.com]

What did I say about panicking?

The best way to deal with this situation is to actually take care of it. And by that I mean actually take care of it. Not something wicked like I'm certain you were thinking of. Since it is apparent that neither one of us knows where this child came from, it is just as plausible that it came from my side as it is it came from yours.

1/2

[apple_inc]

Then why don't you ask your side what to do about the noisy thing. It doesn't shut up. I tried to give it an apple but the thing won't eat. What the fuck do you even feed these things.

Why don't you make an effort to be a woman and take care of it.

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Not it.

[mr-a-fell.livejournal.com]

You truly are insufferable, aren't you?

As before, I am on my way out with some formula and things to take care of it with. Just... just.. let it play with your glasses or find something safe for it to play with!

It most certainly can not play with my glasses

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