Anthony J. Crowley

Vergil. Still interested?

( [Private - Aziraphale] )

Aziraphale, I meant to mention. I met a magician. You two should meet. I am sure you would have much to discuss

[Somewhere on the floor in the flat he shares with Aziraphale, Crowley's phone beeps twice. The video function appears to have clicked on after a fall to the floor. The camera shows the edge of a very ugly looking couch and the ceiling. After five minutes the phone beeps twice again. In the upper right of the feed a "Low Battery" warning flashes angrily. After a third pair of beeps, the video feed dies completely and the screen goes black.]

Aziraphale, please do explain how all of my clothes seem to have been replaced by these... things. And where my books have gone.

How many times must I ask you not to replace my books with bibles. You tamper with everything else I own, at least leave the books alone. I worked hard to get those possession scrolls. And the dark arts memoir had my last raven feather quill pen in it. Now I will have to go and find another one. Acquiring these things is hard work, you know.

Must you be such a pest?

I don't understand what all the fuss is about.

It's just paper. No one's listening.They have more important things to worry about than your wishes.

Aziraphale, water the plants. Don't spoil them again. I have a meeting to attend.

Fuck.

Get over here now.

I know you are just waiting for an excuse to close up shop.

This is urgent.

I think it's starting again.

Get.Back.Now

I may very well squirt myself in the head with Holy Water
I don't know how it happened
I don't care how it happened.
I just want an explanation as to why it is not fixed
Do you honestly expect me to live with an Angel?
Do you realize how much of a damper this puts on my work, my style, my... relative Sanity
All things considered, I suppose things could be worse.
However.
This needs fixed.
I do not know how long I will be able to handle sleeping on a couch in the same house as my enemy ... friend... Acquaintence
Not to mention those godawf-, helli- ... rather un-stylish chairs

I need a drink.
And a few good bad deeds.

It took some skilful manoeuvring to get here, but I have finally settled in to this delightful city. I had to replace a few of the houseplant (Wilting, I did tell them not to do that, but it seems they needed reminding) and it was some what of a hassle getting The Bentley here, but I have everything settled. There is so much potential in this city. Frustrated and idle humans just waiting to have a little temptation sent their way. I am looking forward to going about in the next few days. It has been a while since I had new surroundings. Granted things are always changing but when you stay put for too long, it's all the same regardless.

I must remember to go pay Aziraphale's new store a visit. I am thinking of putting some holiday adds in the paper to give him some much needed advertising. I can already imagine the look on his face when he gets an unexpected holiday rush wanting to buy his beloved collection of dust collectors.

I plan to pay a visit to an area of the city I overheard being discussed on the way here by the name of Tayon. It sounds like a promising place to start doing my job before Below decides I am too lax in my work.

I also received a new Apple laptop today, from which I am posting this. The irony is not lost on me. What a wonderful name for a device that so conveniently places sin at the fingertips of those who use it.

It seems to be snowing rather determinedly right now, and more has been forecasted. Perhaps I will see about some well-placed black ice.

If someone hits the Bentley with their incompetent driving again they will find themselves in a much colder place than this. I am sure they will find it hard to dent anything but snow from the ice sheets of Antartica.