You confound me with your insistent falsities

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I have no idea what this confounded contraption is spewing at me, but I most certainly don't agree with any of the things it keeps telling me I have. They have their facts all wrong. So curiously odd...

Could someone also please inform me as to what this bizarre tiny being is and why it seems so very displeased?

I do appear to be in a spot of trouble. Hm. I wonder how I got to this place. It certainly doesn't look familiar.

Could someone point me back to the gates? I have important things to do, and they won't wait all eternity. What was that saying, I have the damnedest, ah I keep forgetting to watch my tongue, they keep telling me to keep it in check lest it end up forked... hardest time remembering it.

Patience is a virus? 

Hm.. that's not it at all...